Friday, January 18, 2013
Farewell, Mondo Beyondo. Hello, Desire!
One of the first, and most powerful, things I did when I started my blog -- way back in January 2010 -- was to enrol in Mondo Beyondo. For those of you who are not familiar with this amazing e-course by by Andrea Scher (one of my all-time favourite bloggers) and Jen Lemen, it creates space for the powerful practice of dreaming.
The course culminates in a list of dreams, which you're encouraged to push to the absolute limit. Those of you who have been through this process know that it's an incredibly liberating act: to sink into your heart's deepest desires, commit them to paper and/or pixels, then go the ultimate step and share them with the universe.
The day I published my dream list to my blog, I quite honestly thought the sky would fall in. I had put so much of my self in that list and the idea that other people might read it, in all seriousness, gave me palpitations. The worst I feared that would happen? I'd be laughed at.
I'm not sure what it was that got me over the line, but almost three years ago, I pressed the button and published my list.
And then printed it out, tucked it into the back of a painting sitting on my altar, and did not look at it again.
It goes without saying that the comments I did receive were overwhelmingly supportive and kind. And the subsequent acts of bravery from sister Mondo Beyondo dreamers in publishing their lists, inspired by my courage, touched my heart in such an intense way that if I close my eyes I am totally transported back to that electrifying time.
As #reverb12 came to a close, I found myself curious about that Mondo Beyondo dream list. Had any of those dreams come to fruition? Were any of them still relevant to me?
I trawled back through my blog archives, opened up the link and printed it out.
And my first thought (if I'm going to be honest) was, Oh My God! Followed by an embarrassed giggle. Did I really say all that? Some of it surely was "dreaming big". Most of the items had not eventuated and, as anticipated, I had outgrown quite a few too.
I feel I should stress here that a dream list is most definitely not a To Do list. One of the most powerful aspects of the course was the first hand experience of ways in which the universe conspires to make things happen. So: looking over my list, I was not disappointed or prone to give myself shtick for not having ticked everything off.
Then something piqued my curiosity. On my printout, I scribbled next to each item how achieving that dream would make me feel. Then I compiled all those feeling words into one big list, noting which words came up more than once.
And the words that came up most often were:
sense of connection; sense of purpose; clear intention; focused; fulfilled
playful; celebratory; enjoying
ease; savouring; witnessing beauty; elegant
free; spacious; safe
love for family
The word that appeared more than any other was connection.
This feels significant and timely and so very perfect for me right now. In this word (and collection of words) I see every dream list I have ever written, every vision board I have ever made, every list starting with the phrase "I Want..." I have ever scribbled, every tarot spread I have ever drawn. This is the heart of who I am, and my heart's truest desire.
I honour all that Mondo Beyondo has given me, and the girl who made that list and put it out there for all the world to see. But I'm not that girl anymore. And I let this list go. Because it really doesn't matter if I achieve any of these things or not... provided I feel connection; connected.
So what I am focusing on, manifesting, inviting is how I want to feel. This is a list that is going to be short and almost unbearably sweet. And it is going to get to the heart of things.
I'm indebted to Danielle LaPorte and her Desire Map for the inspiration. I'm only at the beginning -- and this was but a taster -- but I'm in. All in.