Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Worthiness Wednesday #58 Make space for faith
In blog, as in life, I've been a bit overwhelmed of late. In blog, as in life, I sat down to write and was swamped with a thousand errant thoughts, only tenuously connected. In blog, as in life, I found myself looking to a zillion other sources for clarity and inspiration.
The trail led me to Hiro Boga's Deva Cards. I sat quietly. I took a deep breath. I allowed the chatter until it gradually fell away. I set an intention: "I intend to shine a light on my creative life".
The card I drew was the Deva of Faith.
I sat with this for a little while, then wondered idly what I was going to write for today's Worthiness Wednesday post. A quiet voice said: "The Magnolia. Take a photo of the Magnolia tree in your front garden."
I picked up my camera, went outside and took one photo. Then I remembered. Yesterday, I hammered a nail into the trunk of that Magnolia tree. Our poor Magnolia hasn't been looking all that great since the severe drought of 2009. I had mentioned this to my sister, whose Magnolia tree (in a nearby suburb) was flourishing. She relayed how she had "heard somewhere" that a Magnolia could be encouraged into blossoming by hammering a nail -- or a stiletto heel (zuh?) -- into its trunk.
"In effect", she said, "You would be distressing the Magnolia into producing flowers."
As cruel as it sounds, I did it. I used the smallest nail I could find. I'm not much of a tree-hugger but I did have a little crisis of confidence over this action. Will it work? What if it has the opposite effect? Either way, can I really justify the distress I've caused this dear old tree?
But I suspect the Deva of Faith wanted me to realise something else. I have been treating my self a little like the Magnolia tree.
I have been feeling a little "all over the shop" when it comes to my creative life of late. Which is shorthand for I have no idea what my life's purpose truly is... and I am frustrated by the fact that I don't know and I feel stupid because I am not really doing anything constructive about it.
My inclination of late has been to use the things that usually inspire and encourage me -- especially other people's stories -- as a stick to beat myself with. i.e. Why haven't you had a book published yet? Why aren't you setting real goals with your art and pulling out all the stops to achieve them? Why don't you know what your core proposition is? Who would pay you to do anything? Why haven't you made real inroads into redecorating your house, when you hate the decor you inherited when you bought it? When are you ever going to find that one thing and stick to it? Why can't you stick to a schedule, be disciplined, set targets and meet them?
I am trying to distress myself into producing flowers. And it's not working.
Today, I am slowing down and making space for the possibility that faith is all I need right now. I am working towards letting myself off the hook, knowing that I have done (and continue to do) the hard/core work. I am holding gently the idea that I can trust myself: that I know everything I need to know and I have everything that I need for the journey.
This week, will you join me in a little quiet dialogue with faith? Could you be open to the possibility that all you need to do is trust that you are where you need to be, and that clarity will arrive when the time is right? Could you put your hammer and nail down, knowing that you will never distress yourself into creating a beautiful life for yourself?
This week, it is time to stop and allow those flowers to bloom. Pick up your paint brush, your journal, your needle and thread, your baking tray. Let nature take its course. Return to that place where you can blossom, in your own time and in your own way.